Do you know that the past can actually come back and haunt you even though you didn't want it to happen?
The past is always brought back to your mind and being frequently reminded why it happened to you. The first time you were told bout your past which practically happened before you even stepped into to this big big world. And from then onwards you have a history that you didn't even knew you will be born with it.
The moment you can understand what the other person was trying to tell you, the history was told repeatly till it is craved in my heart.
The first time I heard of the story, I felt so sad. And I just believed every word told to me. I was angry at a point in my life that I was being treated like that. I don't think anyone deserved it. Somehow that history or past made me a cold hearted person when I was very young. Sad movies doesn't move me. I won't shed a tear at all. It would be a tough job to get me to shed tears...even till today.
And after the angry phase, I got into a phase where I-didn't-bother-to-think about it anymore. Every time I was told bout the past, I just pretended to listen but not a single word entered my ear at all. Come on...it has been in my heart for so long...I don't need the reminder. During my secondary school years, I can be considered a very tough girl...to my close friend..she knew I was pretty cold hearted when come to sad matters. I'm still like that but much toned down. I felt that I had to grow up into an adult when I was still a kid. I had to learn to accept that past and just keep moving forward.
When people asked me about my 'past', I just told them like it was nothing at all. As if it's a okay matter...no big deal...but deep down I feel very upset. I don't shed tears up front but tears do pour out inside my heart. I always felt that I needed to show I'm a strong girl and I don't need anyone to care for me. I guess I'm just putting up a strong front look but inside me...I would crush down anytime if you hit the right button.
Even though I'm a cold hearted person, I'm quite a happy person...sometimes too sunshine-y. It gets into the nerves of my friends. I do get moody at times. But most of the time..I'm a happy girl. I don't keep grudges. I forget any unhappy incidents after a while. I prefer to forget those unnecessary things..no point keeping it in my tiny brain and make me more upset. Maybe I'm just trying to be a happy person so that the cold hearted side of me doesn't take over the brain.
So here's a bit of me...about my past and how it still affects me everyday of my life. But I still hate that past which is being repeatly told to me.
I HATE IT.
HATE IT THAT I'M REPEATLY REMINDED.
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET GO OF THE HATE.
I'VE NEVER SAID OUT THE HATE WORD TO ANYONE.
THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ADMITTING IT.
The past is always brought back to your mind and being frequently reminded why it happened to you. The first time you were told bout your past which practically happened before you even stepped into to this big big world. And from then onwards you have a history that you didn't even knew you will be born with it.
The moment you can understand what the other person was trying to tell you, the history was told repeatly till it is craved in my heart.
The first time I heard of the story, I felt so sad. And I just believed every word told to me. I was angry at a point in my life that I was being treated like that. I don't think anyone deserved it. Somehow that history or past made me a cold hearted person when I was very young. Sad movies doesn't move me. I won't shed a tear at all. It would be a tough job to get me to shed tears...even till today.
And after the angry phase, I got into a phase where I-didn't-bother-to-think about it anymore. Every time I was told bout the past, I just pretended to listen but not a single word entered my ear at all. Come on...it has been in my heart for so long...I don't need the reminder. During my secondary school years, I can be considered a very tough girl...to my close friend..she knew I was pretty cold hearted when come to sad matters. I'm still like that but much toned down. I felt that I had to grow up into an adult when I was still a kid. I had to learn to accept that past and just keep moving forward.
When people asked me about my 'past', I just told them like it was nothing at all. As if it's a okay matter...no big deal...but deep down I feel very upset. I don't shed tears up front but tears do pour out inside my heart. I always felt that I needed to show I'm a strong girl and I don't need anyone to care for me. I guess I'm just putting up a strong front look but inside me...I would crush down anytime if you hit the right button.
Even though I'm a cold hearted person, I'm quite a happy person...sometimes too sunshine-y. It gets into the nerves of my friends. I do get moody at times. But most of the time..I'm a happy girl. I don't keep grudges. I forget any unhappy incidents after a while. I prefer to forget those unnecessary things..no point keeping it in my tiny brain and make me more upset. Maybe I'm just trying to be a happy person so that the cold hearted side of me doesn't take over the brain.
So here's a bit of me...about my past and how it still affects me everyday of my life. But I still hate that past which is being repeatly told to me.
I HATE IT.
HATE IT THAT I'M REPEATLY REMINDED.
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET GO OF THE HATE.
I'VE NEVER SAID OUT THE HATE WORD TO ANYONE.
THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ADMITTING IT.
2 comments:
Hate is a very strong feeling. I've hated too..people, situations, things, etc.
But nowadays, whenever I feel like hating, I'd try to take it down a notch to a simple 'disliking'.
See, when you dislike something, the 'act of disliking' won't affect you too much. But when you hate something, it's different.
Hatred affects the 'hating 'party more than the 'hated' one.
47: Yeah I do know what you mean. But somehow that hate feeling doesn't really show up that much till I'm reminded bout my past.
it's just not an easy task to put it in disliking category.
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