Realise

I just realise I'm afraid of many things.

From a tiny flying cockroach to height phobia.

I'm afraid of floating in the sea. As I'm unable to touch the ground.

I'm afraid unable to foresee the future. Duh! That's why it's known as future.

I'm afraid of exams.

I'm afraid of failing and disappointing other people but not myself. It's like I'm living my life for the sake of others.

I'm afraid I'll turn into a selfish and materialistic bitch.

I'm afraid being alone even though on surface I've many friends.

I'm realise I don't like complicated relationships but it's part of the parcel.

I want to share but currently I'm unable to find the person to tell the whole thing. I want to be able to put my real face. Unfortunately that can't be done. I think the only time I'm able to let out the real me is when I'm alone and surrounded by strangers. That's when you don't care about the strangers judgment.

I'm a two-face human.

How?

How? Many times a person would ask a question starting 'how'. The word sometimes irritate me a lot. How are you? How is life? How is everyone? But I frequently ask the how question whenever I see someone.

Do you realise when we answer the how question. The answer somehow is the same everytime or we never give the true statement to it.

Eg: How are you? I'm fine/good/great. --> But the truth is, it's not really good or great at all. Fine/great/good is like we had summaries the whole day and deleting the bad stuffs and it looks fine. So we said: I'm fine. Maybe it's just me.

Or maybe I don't want to say all the stuffs in mind (bad or good) to a person we hardly meet or anyone we meet/talk through any form of communication. The person might think I'm a freak or a total mess.

The how question is usually asked for the sake of asking or for courtesy. It's also the best way to start any form of communication. Right?

Usually we get the how from a hie-bye person or a person we seldom meet but had a good history back during the younger times. The answer for this how for me is never entirely true. I'll just scope the surface of my life and say the typical answer: I'm fine/Busy with work. Selfish person I am.

So please try to ask less how. And don't ask other people's life how are they when in fact I seldom talk about them. Too many hows make me sick. Hmmm...maybe I should start doing that myself.