It's whose birthday?

I used to never really like celebrating birthdays of my own.

Why?

Well, first of all, I don't really know how to express out the right emotions when I received any gifts (sometimes the gifts that were given by friends or siblings can be quite not up to my liking but I can't possibly showed my disliking bcoz it will hurt them). Sometimes I felt that birthdays are over commercialized. Sound so wrong right? Back then, I felt that birthdays are just another day..yeah yeah..I know..You were born on that precious day and should be proud of it. I do still have that thought of birthday is equivalent to any other day. No big deal.


I don't mind celebrating my friends or other people's birthday. I don't even mind planning a surprise party for them but I don't really like it when it's done for me. Weird huh?

But there was once my good friends planned a surprised gathering to celebrate my birthday. I was really touched and surprised but not entirely into the celebration. Contradicting right? Touched and surprised but not into the celebration.

Yeah..recently, my good friends gave me a surprised early birthday gift and it was my one of my favorite gifts I ever received. No matter what, I truly thank everyone for their gifts I received from all my birthdays. It's the thoughts that counts. I think the best surprised I ever received was during my 3rd year in U. My friends left my gifts on my cupboard's door knob and secretly stashed other gift in the cupboard when I was asleep. The morning when I woke up, I was utterly surprised. Thanks to them...I had a great day.

But right now, everyone (meaning my good friends) are busy with their own life agenda. I'm secretly missing the birthday surprises. What is wrong with me? I think this year birthday will really like be any other day. My wish came true but I'm not enjoying it at all. I'll be alone this year. This really make me sound pathetic. Well I'm just going to forget about it.

Why am I feeling upset? I think there are other reasons that made me feel so upset. My heart is tearing right now. It's feeling very heavy. It all started by when a friend actually forget that we were supposed to meet up for dinner. I've been in that situation a few times. That really pissed me off...but somehow, today I wasn't pissed off but sad. Am I so forgettable? Anyway that's not important. I still can't master: Don't put too much hope in anything. *sigh*

By the way: Happy birthday to those December babies!