Love or not to love?

Love.

It's a four letter word with BIG action.

It can be family, sibling, friendship, animal and lover love.

How would u react when a person tells you that he or she wants to love you but hope nothing in return from you at all?

-love is in the air-

-Even after all this time The Sun never says to the Earth,
You owe me.
Look what happens with a Love like that,
It lights the whole sky.
-Hafize-Shirazi's The Gift.

Our purpose in life, wherever we are, is to love whoever there is to love
- Kurt Vaught

I received these messages from my friend. It's pretty interesting.

Okay back to giving their love as a lover to you but not hoping anything in return.
I feel awkward to get such statement when someone tells me that. I don't know what to do. How could you love a person you barely know but saying that statement of wanting to love you? Is it possible? For me..i think there isn't such a thing. I'm skeptical about that...maybe if you were to say that you like me...i still can accept that sentence...but...

Oh gosh..that statement is making my mind a bit haywired now. Crap! I'm hoping to face the new year with a good time. I feel weird. Thats how im feeling right now.. WEIRD! I don't mean sound insensitive when I said that i feel weird. I gave a reply saying that: I can't do anything if you want to love me.

What should I do?

Any plans for 2008?

2007 is coming to an end.

2008 is like in 4 days.

Any plans for 2008? A whole new year waiting for us to explore and paint with interesting colours.

How was 2007 for u all? Mine is full with Ups and Downs.

Ups:
Extended a semester just to do 3 papers. Got to do stuffs that I never had the chance to do. Became a photographer for my sis. Moved out of the hostel and rented a place in a condo with 3 nice housemates.

I won a trip for 2 to Phuket. That was a great experience. The best moment was getting an elephant ride.

Had an amazing time with my sisters in Anime Convention. Spending time with my sisters is usually a rare moment. Had a spontaneous birthday celebration for my friends and my eldest sister. Spontaneous action is always the best. Everything is done with great effort. Had a wonderful time with my close friends eventhough we seldom meet up.

Graduating from Uni life is also another great moment for me. I still remember the joyous mood feeling up in me when I put down my pen for my last final exam paper. I was SO HAPPY! I felt the whole weight on my shoulder being lifted up. I gave a small shout of joy in the exam hall. I will always remember that moment.

Met a few interesting people from Facebook and Friendster. One of them became my crush.

Got into a relationship.

Done a few things that I didn't thought I would do in my life. I will not regret them at all.

Went to PD with my sister and colleagues and became an unofficial photographer. Had a time there. Done a few things which I wanted to do in my list to achieve. Went for flying fox, paintball game, horse riding and go-karting. I think the best part was to be a photographer...but later suffered aches on my thighs.

(BTW, I love taz)

Downs:

During my exam week, my close-love-one was giving me a difficult time. Was not answering calls from the person. I got so irritated whenever I see the number pop out on the screen. Was stressed out for a period of time. I snapped at my sister most of the time. Sorry.

Ended a relationship without feeling sad at that moment but the following day, I got so pissed off with the person and got a little depressed for a few days..probably for 2 weeks.

Felt the confusion when I got job offers. I was only on break for 2 weeks then I was asked to start in Dec. I didn't have the proper break during the 2 weeks. But in the end, I turned all of them down and accepted a job starting in Jan.

I think this year...I had a lots of mood swing. Not good.

Oh gosh..i very lari topic la. Was suppose to write on plans for 2008? But I'm babbling about my 2007 ups and downs.

I have a a list: What I want to do in 2008. Do you all come up with such things? Are you able to achieve everything listed in it? I have never really done this list thingy. I really want and hope to be able to tick off every item.

My list is pretty short. I don't want to put too many things and not able to do all of them. I want to go to Redang and Kuching or Sabah next year. I hope to do some jewelry made out of beads and sell them. Of course there are some stuffs but I'm not saying it. hehehe. *smiling shyly*

May 2008 be a beautiful year for all of you and to myself too. Hope 2008 will be a super lucky year too! *wink*

Awkwardness

I went through many awkwardness in the past few months and last night too.


I'm sure you all know about the latest craze of facebook. I've joined facebook and added a few applications into my profile. Facebookers are able to join groups created by others. I've joined FMADBF (Find Me A Date By Friday). That is a group where gathering is done and attended by random people. I did attended twice out of 10 (I think) meet ups. People are pretty friendly. I got to know a person (A) before attending the meet up. A fetched me there. While chatting with A through MSN, it was pretty fun and conversation was smooth. BUT when I got to see A for the first time, MAN it was DAMN awkward! I was the one making the conversation and trying to keep it going and then till a point I gave up. I just sat in the car and listened to the music. This happened 2 months back. The 2nd meet up for FMADBF, A fetched me again. A was being nice. BUT still the awkwardness is super obvious.

I guess meeting people online and chatting with them through a phone is way easier. We won't be facing the awkwardness and the silence. Maybe it's because we don't need to face the other person's expression and we don't need to worry about our own expression and fear of making a fool out of ourselves. When chatting online, we can take a longer time to think of better words to converse and pretend to have fun chatting with them or just simply say that we have things to do and end a conversation with the person when it's getting boring.


Yesterday, before meeting up with B for a chat. We had conversations through MSN and on the phone. Conversation with B through MSN was interesting and quite smooth. BUT...there is always a BIG BUT..when I met B, the BLOODY awkwardness came flooding back. I think both parties was feeling awkward. We went to Attic in Bangsar. The whole evening totally suck!!!!


In the Attic, B actually left me alone (I think B was feeling bloody awkward) to go out for a smoke. BLOODY HELL! I felt like a stupid person sitting there and sipping my beer. Then, B came back, we went and sat with a bunch of random people (which were there to watch their friend performed live..a band name Troubled Cleef). Most of the time it was damn awkward. Tried to chat up with the random people. Most of them is around my age and still studying or just graduated. Then, B went off again to mingle around with others in Attic. Yeah the band was playing jazz. ME not into jazz. Another downside for me. I was more into loud music yesterday night. I was practically screaming silently in my brain. After yesterday night incident, I was making a mental note, not to go out with A and B and anyone I know from internet. I so don't want to get into another horrible awkwardness.

Would you dare?

Would you dare to list down things that you want to do and let your friends or relatives know about it?

The list of things you want to do includes private or personal stuffs.

Would you dare to announce to the whole world?

For example: My friend listed this down: xxx wants to do an hour of foreplay with his girl.

Would you dare to list that down in a public website and let anyone know? I'm not saying it's a wrong thing to do. But more of: do you have the guts to do it? Well it's normal for human wanting to please themselves and their opposite sex. Who wouldn't? I would like to be pleased and to please. Okie..lets not go there. Back to the topic.

I've never thought of listing down my more personal stuffs for people to know. We tend to keep it a hush hush. Afraid of what other might think of us. But i think, people should not judge others. Judging a book by its cover is never a good thing.

Not everyone would like or dare to list them down. I'm one of the dare-not-list-them-down individual. Listing them down will put me in a situation. For example, if I were to write something that I would like to do and it's not a proper act, I will be getting a lot of asking from many individuals..from my sisters to my close friends and friends. Not all of my friends know the real side of me. Grinning evilly. Damn..now you all know that I'm not such an angel. Come on...there is always an angelic and devilish side in a person. I admit that I have both of it.

I'm thinking right now, what are the things that I wouldn't dare to list in public. Hmmm...

I guess I won't be listing any of them down here. ^___^

Okie..there are 2 things in my list: I wish to kiss Mr XY..not revealing the name and a neck massage from Mr XY too.

Falalalala..

Christmas is soooo near. Not that I'm celebrating Xmas. All shopping malls are decorated beautifully.

I love Midvaley's Xmas deco the most. Especially the Center court..the theme colour is orange-goldish colour..Reminds me of autumn. I saw 1U, Times Square, KLCC and Midvaley's decos. 1U: I love the Nutcracker deco. So adorable! Beside the humongous dolls can move. Times Square and KLCC decos are pretty normal. Just a very HUGE Xmas tree. Nothing special. Will be checking out Pavillion's deco tomorrow with my sisters after settling some stuffs.

Xmas deco in 1U.

Xmas deco in KLCC
(looks like I like balls.. >.<)

Looks like Xmas in Msia is celebrated by everyone. Everyone is in Xmas mood. Xmas songs are played in all the English radio stations. I felt that Xmas is celebrated grandly and merrier compared to other major celebrations like Raya, CNY and Diwali. Why? At first I didn't like that idea at all. Why make it such a big deal? But then, slowly the Xmas mood creep into me. I'm into Xmas now. haha..Weird huh? I think it's all because of the Xmas songs and the Xmas decos in the shopping mall. It's pretty. And gives the jolly and merry mood to everyone. Everytime I hear any Xmas songs, I will be humming to the songs and the songs will be stuck in my brain!! ARGGh! Besides..it's the year end sales!! >_<

Sales---> NOT GOOD!! Why? Make me spend and spend and spend! I'm going to be broke soon. Hahaha. I guess that is the major reason I'm in the Xmas mood. ^__^ It's nice to shop when everyone is in the shopping mood. I got all the stuffs I will be needing for next year at a lower price. So..i'm a happy happy girl. ^__^ See the happy Xmas mood is glowing in me now. ^__^

I wanna wish U ALL are very
MERRY HAPPY CHRISTMAS
and a beautiful
NEW YEAR!
May 2008 be a great and amazing year for all of you and of course myself too!
Hope you are able to fulfill your New Year resolutions!

Happy Birthday?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to YOU!

A song that I want to share with you all. Happy birthday once again!

by Click Five: Happy Birthday

(click on it..not exactly a music clip).

Morning blues

Suppose to sleep till 10am but my brain has its own alarm clock and it's set to wake up at 8am. @_@

Feeling sleepy now. The moment I opened my eyes, the first thing my brain tells me to check my mobile phone. Read a few messages and again I was hoping to receive someone's message. Again the sadness starts to flood into me. It is so not right.

Early in the morning I'm already feeling the blues.

Tried to get some sleep but my bloody brain didn't want to do as I said. The more I lazed around on my bed...I felt like crying.

DAMN! I'm suppose to feel happy today! Okie maybe at least how I always feel like some other day...like feeling normal and without blues. But NO!! I'm feeling sad on my BIG day! STUPID STUPID SILLY SILLY ME!! Someone help me..please. >__<

Scream

I want to scream out!

But nothing is coming out from my mouth. I'm feeling so restless and upset. The upset-ness had increased since just now. It's not going away.

Looking back at certain things had provoked my sadness and my anger too. But I think the sadness win in this case.

Chatting with a friend over the MSN had also made me more upset. I felt that my friend is avoiding me. That is horrible. What should I do? I think my previous action had lead to todays outcome. I have no one to blame but myself.

Should I regret what I have done? I don't regret it at all but the way my friend is treating me, makes me think twice again bout not regretting. I can't go up to my friend and ask what and why am I getting such treatment right? I hope that one day, we will not remain as how we are treating one another. Maybe the sadness is worst because I liked you and getting such treatment from you really hurts me. This really sucks. I got no one to tell and share my sadness. I really should keep my head on my shoulder not let it tumble around so easily anymore. But I never seem to be able to do that. I'm such a weak person.

Infatuation is sure very dangerous if it is not thought carefully and doing things without much thoughts do bring a lot of troubles.

It's whose birthday?

I used to never really like celebrating birthdays of my own.

Why?

Well, first of all, I don't really know how to express out the right emotions when I received any gifts (sometimes the gifts that were given by friends or siblings can be quite not up to my liking but I can't possibly showed my disliking bcoz it will hurt them). Sometimes I felt that birthdays are over commercialized. Sound so wrong right? Back then, I felt that birthdays are just another day..yeah yeah..I know..You were born on that precious day and should be proud of it. I do still have that thought of birthday is equivalent to any other day. No big deal.


I don't mind celebrating my friends or other people's birthday. I don't even mind planning a surprise party for them but I don't really like it when it's done for me. Weird huh?

But there was once my good friends planned a surprised gathering to celebrate my birthday. I was really touched and surprised but not entirely into the celebration. Contradicting right? Touched and surprised but not into the celebration.

Yeah..recently, my good friends gave me a surprised early birthday gift and it was my one of my favorite gifts I ever received. No matter what, I truly thank everyone for their gifts I received from all my birthdays. It's the thoughts that counts. I think the best surprised I ever received was during my 3rd year in U. My friends left my gifts on my cupboard's door knob and secretly stashed other gift in the cupboard when I was asleep. The morning when I woke up, I was utterly surprised. Thanks to them...I had a great day.

But right now, everyone (meaning my good friends) are busy with their own life agenda. I'm secretly missing the birthday surprises. What is wrong with me? I think this year birthday will really like be any other day. My wish came true but I'm not enjoying it at all. I'll be alone this year. This really make me sound pathetic. Well I'm just going to forget about it.

Why am I feeling upset? I think there are other reasons that made me feel so upset. My heart is tearing right now. It's feeling very heavy. It all started by when a friend actually forget that we were supposed to meet up for dinner. I've been in that situation a few times. That really pissed me off...but somehow, today I wasn't pissed off but sad. Am I so forgettable? Anyway that's not important. I still can't master: Don't put too much hope in anything. *sigh*

By the way: Happy birthday to those December babies!

Behind those mask.

Everyone always put up a mask.

Don't bother to deny it.

It can be either: pretending to enjoy that situation, a present or trying to make a person happy even though you don't have the intention to do it at all or pretending to be a good person in front a person you want to impress or get into the good book or simply to con. Mask can be used in a good or bad way. Depending on the person.

I admit that I put up mask. Different type of mask depending on the situation.

My parents think that I'm a quite good behaving daughter but I don't report whatever I'm doing to them There are things that I've done can't be accepted by parents...so what they don't know won't hurt them. The mask to be a good daughter.

Some of my friends think that I'm a frequent clubber and goes to the club to drink. I think that the mask I put gave an impression that I'm a wild girl. I'm not 100% wild. I go clubbing to dance, not to drink or smoke. I'm just a little bit wild..hehe.

I do put up a mask...in a situation when I don't want to hurt my friends or close ones feelings. It's not easy when putting up a mask. You must master the art of masking. It takes years and experiences to master it. But recently, my close one (quite old) was tricked by a person. He pretended to be a government person and with the excuse saying he is in charged of checking the gas pipe on a Sunday. I guessed you have heard of this new. The weird part was that, my close one never opens the door to strangers at all. The weirdest part is my doggie didn't bark at him at all. My close one said that she didn't know why she went and let the person enter the house. I was shocked and got scared when I received that new. Luckily, my sister and hubby came over to my close one's house. She was alone that time with the stranger. Imagine..anything could happen!!! She might be conned or worse. DAMN THAT STUPID MAN!! We (my sisters) agreed that the person must have been eyeing at the house for a period of time and he probably had put a black spell on my close one and the doggie. This type of masking is way WRONG!! SO beware of the people around you.

Well, the world is like a stage. Everyone is putting up a mask and do their performance. So what mask are you putting up right now?
I guess we don't put up a mask when we are alone. Thats when we can let our guard down. Sometimes being with your love ones, we put up a mask. Will we be able to live without our mask?

Thoughts

It's amazing how a person believe that their ideas or perceptions are always right. Never wanting to bent a bit to what another people have in mind or believes.

It gets super irritating and at a point where you will feel like blasting them off: PLEASE OPEN UP YOUR MIND FOR A FREAKING BIT!

But then...i'm sure you have heard of the phrase...old dog don't learn new tricks. Maybe that phrase can be used here. I wondered will i ever be like that old dog that will never want to learn new tricks anymore. Sometimes as one grows older, they tend to think and believe that every single idea that is given by them is always RIGHT! WRONG!! Everyone have their own way of interpreting what is right and wrong. Never ever force anyone to believe that you are always right.

There was once when I was out with my friends, we were chatting bout a topic on education by private colleges or universities. I believed that private colleges and universities are selling education which their main purpose is to gain profit...which i believe that profit shouldn't be the main purpose and education should be free. My other friend said that it's not really true. We were arguing on our points as my other 2 friends were listening while having their dinner.

And at that point I realized I was very sticking to my believes and not wanting to bent down to my friend answers. Then I was like thinking to myself...why are you being so hard towards him? Everyone have their own thinking..always try to listen what the others have to say...After a while, I toned down my voice a bit because I realized that my voice was increasing by a note and I sounded pretty fierce. NOT FREAKING WISE! My friends said it was like a debate between the two of us. Well...I was trying to hard and not wanting to bent down to his answers but if in a debate...you will have to be strong and stand up for your own answers right? What do you all think?

Stuck

Sometimes when a person dislikes or maybe hate the other person, no matter what the other person had done good or even helped a lot for the person, the person will still dislike or maybe hate the other person. Does it sound confusing?

Ermm..not really actually. Hopefully you all get what I'm trying to convey the message above.


I've met a few people with the character of 'the person'. Let it be friends or even parents towards their children. This is for real not the fictional character we see on tv or big screen.

Lets say in a friendship, the other person might have done something that might hurt the person, the person somehow couldn't forgive them and keeps the offending deed in their mind. Sometimes it's just a small misunderstanding but it got out of control. When the other person try to make the situation better...it doesn't work at all. I was once in that phase. But then, I realized that whats the point by keeping the offending deed and spoil a friendship that we had before. But then, the offending deed is pretty deep and complicated and involves other parties too which made it more complicated. So what I did was, I let it go and forget about it. Let's start all over again and keep that offending deed at the very very back of my mind and stray away whenever that offending deed was brought up. Sometimes it is easier said then done. It's too complicated till I didn't want to get involve in it again and cause another fight and many other stuffs that can happen.

In a parents and children relationship, it happens too. Whenever the other person try to make their parents proud of them or just to fulfill their responsibilities as children, the person (parents in this case) will never give their approval. It is very heart breaking for the other person. No matter what the other person have done, in the eyes of the person, the other person is doing whatever is done for a motive. It's like the other person is out to get them. Sometimes the person (parents) would spout out bad stuffs (like..the other person is doing this because they want blah blah..or they never come and visit them blah blah blah) to their other kids which leads them to tell the other person (their siblings). The other person would be so heart broken when they get that news. Sometimes I wonder, should the siblings tell it to the other person or just shut up.

The other person would have the thoughts of: Why doesn't the person like me at all? I'm also their flesh and meat.

The other person would call up their children or other people to share their sadness. The other people which sometimes can be friends or relatives..lets say if it's their relatives..the relatives will be stuck in a situation. This sometimes would give an impression to the 3rd party that the person is black heart and selfish person. Somehow if relatives do know the person pretty well...they are stuck in the middle between the person and the other person. i seriously hope the term the person and the other person is not giving you all a hard time.

It's a situation that nobody would like to get stuck in but there are things that can't be avoided. Getting stuck in between people you know can be very stressful and disheartening. I do know how it feels and sometimes I felt like running away and not wanting to stay at that spot physically or mentally.

Present tense

The previous blog is about my past..I just want to say somethings...I'm quite a flicker minded person. Or...maybe I tend to see the both side of things. Up to you all to judge.

I just want to say that, even though I'm told about my past by someone and hated bout the story telling of my past...I REALLY care deep down in my heart for that story teller. I guess if not for the past, I wouldn't be able to get many things right now and learning many things that not everyone can get in their lifes. I guess there is always the pro and con for everything in life.

Past tense

Do you know that the past can actually come back and haunt you even though you didn't want it to happen?

The past is always brought back to your mind and being frequently reminded why it happened to you. The first time you were told bout your past which practically happened before you even stepped into to this big big world. And from then onwards you have a history that you didn't even knew you will be born with it.

The moment you can understand what the other person was trying to tell you, the history was told repeatly till it is craved in my heart.

The first time I heard of the story, I felt so sad. And I just believed every word told to me. I was angry at a point in my life that I was being treated like that. I don't think anyone deserved it. Somehow that history or past made me a cold hearted person when I was very young. Sad movies doesn't move me. I won't shed a tear at all. It would be a tough job to get me to shed tears...even till today.

And after the angry phase, I got into a phase where I-didn't-bother-to-think about it anymore. Every time I was told bout the past, I just pretended to listen but not a single word entered my ear at all. Come on...it has been in my heart for so long...I don't need the reminder. During my secondary school years, I can be considered a very tough girl...to my close friend..she knew I was pretty cold hearted when come to sad matters. I'm still like that but much toned down. I felt that I had to grow up into an adult when I was still a kid. I had to learn to accept that past and just keep moving forward.

When people asked me about my 'past', I just told them like it was nothing at all. As if it's a okay matter...no big deal...but deep down I feel very upset. I don't shed tears up front but tears do pour out inside my heart. I always felt that I needed to show I'm a strong girl and I don't need anyone to care for me. I guess I'm just putting up a strong front look but inside me...I would crush down anytime if you hit the right button.

Even though I'm a cold hearted person, I'm quite a happy person...sometimes too sunshine-y. It gets into the nerves of my friends. I do get moody at times. But most of the time..I'm a happy girl. I don't keep grudges. I forget any unhappy incidents after a while. I prefer to forget those unnecessary things..no point keeping it in my tiny brain and make me more upset. Maybe I'm just trying to be a happy person so that the cold hearted side of me doesn't take over the brain.


So here's a bit of me...about my past and how it still affects me everyday of my life. But I still hate that past which is being repeatly told to me.

I HATE IT.

HATE IT THAT I'M REPEATLY REMINDED.

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET GO OF THE HATE.

I'VE NEVER SAID OUT THE HATE WORD TO ANYONE.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ADMITTING IT.

On the way back

Was on my way back to hometown. Took a bus to KL Sentral. Yeah I know I can just take it straight to Pasar Seni...yeah..stupid right. But I don't really know the way if the bus drops me at pasar seni. So got off at KL Sentral. Took the LRT to Masjid Jamek. Sometimes people can be so blind or they really don't care about what is written on a board. For example, when taking the escalator, please stand at the left side if you are not overtaking. Well there are this stupid people who doesn't know how to follow instructions. I wanted to catch the train which was there and the front people didn't know how to move the right. Worst still, they are deaf too. They can't hear me saying 'Excuse me.' Never mind...I tried to calm myself. Got to the platform and queued for the coming train. The train that left was sardin packed. I was happily queuing and came a few people that didn't know how to queue. DAMN these people! They just stand in front and budged into the train that arrived later. It didn't really help the situation..coz the train was packed again. DUMB ASS PEOPLE!!!! I was cursing them.

Got my bus ticket at Puduraya and had to wait for an hour. Was feeling sleepy eventhough I was listening to various radio stations...I love to switch channel when I don't like to hear the songs they are airing or deejays yapping away. I was sitting at platform 1, facing the wall..meaning my back was facing towards the other platforms. Was sitting very near to a stall selling burger. I thought maybe by reading a book will keep me awake. SO WRONG...I felt more sleepy.

I turned my attention to people around me. Was staring at a boy opening up his burger stall. I was thinking: how old is this boy? Does he enjoy opening up the burger stall? It looked like a routinized job to him because he was taking his time to do his stuffs. He looked like he enjoyed it. But I realised that his surrounding ain't that clean. Why? Coz...there were 3 pigeons resting at the top of the wall. And i saw pigeon's dung on the floor near his stall. I was like...eeeuuu...okie..I know I shouldn't have that reaction..but cleanliness is very important especially when you are selling burger to people. When he was folding his blue covering for his stall...the cover was sweeping on the floor where there are bird's dung. And by the end of the day, he will be using it to cover up his stall. Then the next day, he will be doing the same thing...and the cover that covered the stall would have probably stained the area which is needed to prepare the burger. Can you all imagine what I'm imagining in my mind now? Maybe he would have wiped the area before preparing the food...I wasn't there for too long to see him preparing his burger. I had to get down to the platform.

I never liked walking down the stairs of Puduraya to the waiting area of the bus. One: The steps are small...not big enough for me feet. Two: The stairs are creeky. Three: I used to have phobia getting down the stairs...so sometimes I get the phobia again. Will talk bout that later. As usual, the waiting area was stinky..the carbon from all the waiting buses. Then I was scanning people again while listening to my music. Whenever I'm alone, music is my source ftom getting bored. And automatically, I will move to the beat of the music that is aired. Once my friend thought I'm crazy for doing that. But who the heck cares. I love..I'll do it. Of course not those really obvious dance moves but very subtle...like swaying the hips a bit..shaking the head..tapping the feet and fingers to the beat. Yeah..back to scanning people. Saw this little cute boy...pretty small size. Then I thought..damn..i was that short before...can't imagine that. Then I saw a familiar face...but not someone I know by name. The town I'm living is pretty small..but not exactly that small. Somehow...you will bump into that person again. Then..there was this guy..his dressing and hair style reminded me of my crush. >__<
Got into the bus...finding for sit number 13...GUESS WHAT! That guy I mention was sitting at number 14. I thought that bus was suppose to have 3 sitting but it turned out to be 4 sitter bus. DAMN!! Must be their old bus. He was like trying to squeeze into a corner...in order he doesn't get into my sitting area. hehe..yup..he quite big size. Not fat okie. The more I looked at him..I was wondering to myself..Is that guy related to my crush? Maybe it's his younger brother? okie okie..thinking too much already. >__< hmmm... Was wondering how is he? DAMN!!! Stop thinking bout him. Fell asleep in the bus. I realized that I usually get an hour nap in the bus. It's like my body is customized to that.

Was drizzling when i got back to my hometown. I never really like getting back home.

Likey likey

Everyone have a secret crush and I'm not excluded.

I have many crushes before, well who doesn't right? I have many types of crushes. There are crushes which I like is just very physical and some are based on personalities. But I have a thing for guys that have very different personality. I tend to fall for guys that are quite different.

For example, I like a guy that actually like a teaching different from his on teaching which is not very advisable at all. He is very open and knowledgeable. Loves history. Dare to be different. He is also had very good ear..i mean as in listening okie. He has a wicked sense of humour. He reads and he knows how to play the guitar. He has a great height. I'm sucky for tall guys. >_<

And another example of guy I fall for is also almost the same as the first one. This is my current crush. He is different...I mean really different. He does things which are not allowed in his teaching but I believes he knows what is wrong and right. He can tell jokes which can make me laugh like nuts. He is very adventurous. He cooks...and guys in uniform are hot. >__< Me blushing already. He always enjoy what he does. He has respect in me. Thats what i really like about guys. Respect in girls. Not many guys have that attitude. He is quite a gentleman. He have a very nice smile. I'm also a sucky for guys with a great smile. >_< He reads too.

As you can see, I fall for guys which can be said quite rare. But unfortunately, it can only remain as crush. I hope one day, I can really fall in love my crush and getting back the love from him. I don't want it to remain as a crush.